Seems a downright shame . . .
TODD: Shame?
MRS. LOVETT:
Seems an awful waste .. .
Such a nice plump frame
Wot's-his-name
Has...
Had . ..
Has...
Nor it can't be traced.
Business needs a lift —
Debts to be erased —
Think of it as thrift,
As a gift...
If you get my drift.. .

Seems an awful waste.
I mean,
With the price of meat what it is,
When you get it,
If you get it—
TODD (Becoming aware, chuckling): Ah!
MRS. LOVETT:
Good, you got it.
(Warming to it)
Take, for instance,
Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop.
Business never better, using only
Pussycats and toast.
And a pussy's good for maybe six or
Seven at the most.
And I'm sure they can't compare
As far as taste —
TODD:
MRS. LOVETT,
What a charming notion,
Eminently practical and yet
Appropriate, as always.
Mrs. Lovett
How I've lived without you
All these years I'll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable.
How choice!
How rare!
MRS. LOVETT:
Well, it does seem a
Waste ...
It's an idea ...
Think about it...
Lots of other gentlemen'll
Soon be coming for a shave
Won't they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
TODD:
For what's the sound of the world out there?
MRS. LOVETT:
What, Mr. Todd,
What, Mr. Todd,
What is that sound?
TODD:
Those crunching noises pervading the air?
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, Mr. Todd,
Yes, Mr. Todd,
Yes, all around —
TODD:
It's man devouring man, my dear,
And who are we
To deny it in here?
MRS. LOVETT:
Then who are we
To deny it in here?

***

MRS. LOVETT:
It's priest.
Have a little priest.
TODD:
Is it really good?
MRS. LOVETT:
Sir, it's too good,
At least.
Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,
So it's pretty fresh.
TODD (Looking at it):
Awful lot of fat.
MRS. LOVETT:
Only where it sat.
TODD:
Haven't you got poet
Or something like that?
MRS. LOVETT:
No, you see the trouble with poet
Is, how do you know it's
Deceased?
Try the priest.

Lawyer's rather nice.
TODD:
If it's for a price.
MRS. LOVETT:
Order something else, though, to follow,
Since no one should swallow
It twice.
TODD:
Anything that's lean.
MRS. LOVETT:
Well, then, if you're British and loyal,
You might enjoy Royal
Marine.
(TODD makes a face)
Anyway, it's clean.
Though, of course, it tastes of wherever it's been.
TODD (Looking past her at an imaginary oven):
Is that squire
On the fire?
MRS. LOVETT:
Mercy no, sir,
Look closer,
You'll notice it's grocer.
TODD:
Looks thicker.
More like vicar.
MRS. LOVETT:
No, it has to be grocer — it's green.
TODD:
The history of the world, my love —
MRS. LOVETT:
Save a lot of graves,
Do a lot of relatives favors ...
TODD:
— is those below serving those up above.
MRS. LOVETT:
Everybody shaves,
So there should be plenty of flavors ...
TODD:
How gratifying for once to know —
BOTH:
— that those above will serve those down below!
***
TODD (As MRS. LOVETT offers another pie):
What is that?
MRS. LOVETT:
It's fop.
Finest in the shop.
Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd
On top.
And I've just begun.
Here's the politician — so oily
It's served with a doily —
(TODD makes a face)
Have one.
TODD:
Put it on a bun.
(As she looks at him quizzically)
Well, you never know if it's going to run.
MRS. LOVETT:
Try the friar.
Fried, it's drier.
TODD:
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy.
MRS. LOVETT:
Then actor —
That's compacter.
TODD:
Yes, and always arrives overdone.
I'll come again when you
Have JUDGE on the menu . . .

TODD:
Have charity toward the world, my pet.
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, yes, I know, my love —
TODD:
We'll take the customers what we can get
MRS. LOVETT:
High-born and low, my love
TODD:
We'll not discriminate great from small
No, we'll serve anyone —
Meaning anyone —
BOTH:
And to anyone
At all!